COMMITMENT vs COMPATIBIL​ITY

THIS POEM WAS WRITTEN BY REBBETZIN R. PINTER OF 22 FAIRHOLT ROAD LONDON N 16 5 HW  PHONE 020 8802 3723.

I still remember my mother used to tell
How my uncle's shidduch came about may he be well
The shadchan came to his father,a shidduch to suggest
A girl a Tania a feine -mamesh  the best
My grandfather said: But she's so talkative, full of life
My son is so quiet,how could she be his wife ?
Never mind ,said the shachan , She'll make him talk,
he'll make her tame.
And lo and behold,the  shidduch became       
Sixty years down the line
They're both doing absolutely fine.
Their marriage is as solid as a rock
A house filled with grandchildren kein ayin hara, their stock


Because the word " compatible" was not yet introduced
The word " commitment" was always used.


My father's family was full of fun, humor in every word
My mother's family was serious, of wit they had never heard
They ( my parents ) were so different in many ways
" Incompatible " it's called nowadays
Yet we children grew up in a home, feeling sure
That we are a family, solid and secure.
My parents were married for almost sixty years
And after my father's passing,my mother never dried her tears


Because the word " compatible "  was  not  yet introduced
The word " commitment " was always used.


 I have a relation who's one of a kind
A girl/gem like her was hard to find
Her marriage was a disappointment, the family was upset
Her father tried to encourage a get
Father,she said, Hashem gave him to me
I will stay with him until a hundred and twenty
And now,fifty years later he's a king, she's a queen
Such a lovely couple you have never seen
They built a home where the shechinah can rest
With flying colors they passed the test


Because the word " compatible" was not yet  introduce
The word " commitment " was always used


Part of the problem today is, girls are too bright
It's therefore hard for them to find Mr Right
No one is prepared to commit herself
They expect a perfect shidduch right off the shelf.
She needs a boy spiritually strong
A boy who sits and learns all day long
He must daven ehrlich with the right kavanah
Be righteous  and stable in his emunah
Have middos tovos, be gentle and more
Never to have missed minyan before
Otherwise,her bashert he cannot be
She deserves someone better, you see


With a girl, It's not the same
For  her It's easy to earn a good name
The ladder of success she can climb
Without proving what she does all the time
On Shabbous  and Yom Tov she can sleep all day
Without a rebuke she will get away
She can read a book or just relax a bit
Say some Tehillim if she feels like it
For doing chessed, she'll get extra credit
And if she can also cook blintzes, she's an absolute hit.
She gets a job and makes a good wage
And by the time she reaches the shidduch stage
She considers herself a top catch
So who on earth can be her match ?


When she finally gets married she will expect
Her marriage to be absolutely perfect
The kind she's dreamed of for many years
Without any obstacles, without any cares
She doesn't want to know ,she doesn't understand
That marriage is not a magic wand.
She's not ready to accept to relent
That  no one is perfect a hundred percent


Dear single,dear doubles,let's get this straight
Chochmas nashim does not mean " dictate "
Chochmas nashim means to build,not to brake
To be able to give, not expecting to take
To guide,to help,to be able to ensure
That her home is a place safe and secure
Whatever the situation,she should be able to cope
To instill in her family courage and hope.
Sometimes there are challenges hard to get by
But she will succeed if she will only try.
Adjust to your partner is what you need to do
Because then life will adjust to you
Then Hashem will help you build a family
And live ever together happily.